River of Life   Pulsating meaning awakens me to my own love dancing like lightning on water. My heart is big with purpose and all that I nurture.   How do I pull them close then let them go? How do I deal with the dying?   I hold on for a while. I do not shred my notes immediately. I save my broadcast recording of each death for a few days to weeks. I am filled with joy for a painless passing surrounded by love. I feel sadness for the breaking of an intimate bond.   Finally I shred, erase, let go, allow the emotions to dissipate into the cosmos where the non-charged atmosphere where they have gone wraps me with peace.   I am released as I release and gratitude overcomes me. I realize each death deepens me in this ethereal river of life.     ©2005 Belinda Subraman   REBIRTHING Time warp--- North Carolina-- my two grandmothers-- the last family gathering they were both alive. In a pine paneled room they sat in wrinkled corners sad but smiling   in the warm glow of yellow wood. They sat dying, the process already begun, finished within 2 years   in the warm glow of yellow wood. They slipped away without me to touch goodbye, their grand love fading into destiny, lowered down into the earth's womb and cradled there   in the warm glow of yellow wood.     ©2005 Belinda Subraman